So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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