Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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