You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
