That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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