i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize