Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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