Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
