so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize