thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
