You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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