What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
