I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
