and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
