I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize