all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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