that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
