Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
