Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
