My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
