it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
