I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
