Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
