just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
