i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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