Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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