i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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