Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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