ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
