benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
