Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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