i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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