I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
