I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
