My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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