nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
