I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
