Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
