No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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