Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
