I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
