i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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