Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
