I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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