i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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