In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
