So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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