No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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