hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
