Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
