this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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