I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
