think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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