proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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