college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize