you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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