I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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