Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
