My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I met the friendliest cop last night
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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