On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
