We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
