i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
