But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
