i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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