I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
