When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You've changed since you got that strap on
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
