It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
