you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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