i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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